


My Little Jaffa - Stargate SG1 crack!fic

by green_grrl



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Crack, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-08-27
Updated: 2005-08-27
Packaged: 2017-11-26 06:58:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/647830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/green_grrl/pseuds/green_grrl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one with Teal'c and the My Little Pony.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Little Jaffa - Stargate SG1 crack!fic

**Author's Note:**

> I popped my crack!fic cherry. It's not pretty. It's very wrong. It's (horrors!) G-rated. Inspired by:
> 
>   * [msb66](http://msb66.livejournal.com/) posting a link to the piece that started it all ([Ten Commandments of Fan Fiction](http://www.livejournal.com/users/b_cavis/67817.html)). 
>   * [b_cavis](http://b-cavis.livejournal.com/) writing the (absolutely brilliant) Ten Commandments, including one particularly bizarre mental image. 
>   * [brainofck](http://brainofck.livejournal.com/) saying, "You write it."
>   * Hasbro Corporation for the product copy that spawned the bunny in my brain.
> 

> 
> If this fic banner hasn't already scared the bejeebus out of you, then...

**My Little Jaffa**

"DanielJackson. I would be pleased to have you visit my quarters when you are through in the Infirmary."

"Sure Teal'c. I'll see you soon."

"I will provide... snacks." The Jaffa nodded farewell to the Doctor. Because of his symbiote he was, as usual, the first released.

After a stop in the commissary, he continued on to his quarters loaded with fruit, chocolate, cookies and coffee. He was fairly certain that given the choices DanielJackson would not be eating the fruit, but wished to provide healthful options should his friend surprise him in his choice of nourishment.

Upon arrival, he arranged the food in an aesthetically pleasing display, then turned his attention to the package that had arrived from Amazon.com while he was off-world. Inside the plain brown wrapper -- addressed to SGC's cover address, attention "Murray" -- his order was indeed suitably gift-wrapped. He nodded approval, and settled down to wait the arrival of his friend.

Daniel entered the room, not put off by the sight of candles and a meditating Jaffa. Teal'c was obviously not deeply into kel no reem, only waiting for his friend's entrance. Sure enough, he opened his eyes and shifted his face into the slight change of expression that meant "smile."

"DanielJackson. Thank you for accepting my invitation."

"My pleasure, always, Teal'c. You got anything on your mind?" Daniel wondered, because usually Teal'c specified he was in the mood to play a game, watch a movie, make plans for an excursion....

Teal'c gestured towards the snacks and Daniel helped himself to cookies and coffee while Teal'c formulated his thoughts. "DanielJackson. I have been meditating on the nature of friendship, and on my relations with my friends here. I was using your internet to research Tau'ri customs and gestures of friendship, and found something which had great meaning to me. I feel that this reflects my feelings towards you."

He handed over the brightly wrapped package.

"Teal'c! You... you bought me a present?" Daniel was unbelievably touched. He looked up at his friend, who gave him a nod, encouraging him to open it.

The paper came off, and Daniel found himself holding a piece of colorfully printed cardboard with a yellow plastic pony blister packaged onto it. "My Little Pony. Merriweather," he read. He looked up at Teal'c, a little puzzled.

"This is the manufacturer's literature regarding 'Merriweather' pony," explained Teal'c.

Daniel read:

_Merriweather knows how to make rainy days fun - she takes her pals puddle jumping! Splash, splash, splash! Don't forget your rain boots! Ponies are wonderful friends! They love to play together and have exciting adventures. They're also good listeners, and are always ready to help a friend who needs their support. Every year the ponies celebrate their friendships at a magical ball, where one special pony is named Best Friend of the Year!_

"DanielJackson, of all humans I know, you are the one who makes rainy days fun. I believe you would be most likely to take me puddle jumping. We have exciting adventures." He paused a moment, then continued, "If we were at a magical ball, I would name you Best Friend of the Year."

Daniel gaped. Teal'c seemed to be serious, but then he _always_ seemed to be serious. He studied Teal'c closely. Nope, he really was serious. Daniel broke the pony out of its plastic prison. "Thank you Teal'c. No one's... no one's ever bought me a My Little Pony before."

"I have to admit, I do not quite understand the significance of a small plastic representation of a domesticated animal in representing friendship."

"Well..." Daniel was holding the little creature to his chest and stroking its flaming pink mane. "When a child... or whoever..." he quickly amended, "does not have friends or family or a pet with him, he can give attention to a stuffed or plastic animal in simulation of connection with a living being. When the object was a gift from a particular person, it can serve as a stand-in for the affection of that person until they next see each other."

"Interesting." That eyebrow angle indicated some remaining incomprehension.

"Here, you try." Daniel held out the neon-colored toy to his friend.

The tiny creature was dwarfed completely as Teal'c held it to his broad chest, and attempted to feel an emotional bond. He peered down at the daffodil-colored plastic cradled against him.

After a while he handed the toy back. "I am afraid this is a human custom that does not translate to Jaffa."

"That's okay," Daniel said quietly, as he retrieved Merriweather and cradled her to his chest. "It means something to me. Thank you Teal'c." He hugged the big guy tightly with his free arm, knowing that Teal'c would tolerate it and understand, even if he was always a little stiff in the "hugging back" department.

That night, home in bed, Daniel clutched his gift close. The thrill that he wanted to get from holding a token of affection from Teal'c, something that Teal'c had held close to his own body, was undercut with the knowledge that the Jaffa was unable to make a connection with little Merriweather. And that he could not, ultimately, make the kind of connection with his DanielJackson that Daniel wanted so badly. And Daniel was too smart to be able to lie to himself.

"Best... friend. Just friend." A tear slid down onto Merriweather's mane.

**Author's Note:**

> Now with awesome remix by [brainofck](http://brainofck.livejournal.com/)! Go read [My Little Colonel](http://brainofck.livejournal.com/270830.html) for the bestest crack ever


End file.
